I heard this song on the radio yesterday and it hit me. I was a mess of emotion and tears for myself but also thinking about how many of us are feeling this way.  Country has a way of doing that, doesn’t it:).  But seriously- it had such a powerful message about how many of us are living, myself included, with the ability to see the beauty in others but can’t see it within ourselves.  The song is Self-Love by Avery Anna and there are so many messages in it that really hit home.  She talks about how we will tell strangers that they are pretty, stay friends with those that have hurt us, reach out to friends to check on them because we are supposed to be nice to others- but how we aren’t doing this with ourselves.  When she says, “what it must be like to be, on the other side of me”- phew- it shook me.  We give so much of ourselves to others, but aren’t always receiving it back, so we need to ask for it but also give it to ourselves.  

  We are taught to look after others, their emotions, build them up, smile and be kind to others.  On the other side of that, as we are growing up we watch people in our lives say things like, “I’m fat, my hair looks horrible, this outfit makes my (legs, butt, stomach…) look bad, I’m not smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough, etc.  Criticize ourselves but boosting others up is modeled for us.  We are told to hide our feelings, not to put them on people because it might burden them, that our feelings don’t matter (how many times have you heard an adult tell a child- “don’t cry, there’s nothing to cry about”).  We are shown that prioritizing others needs and wants is acceptable but that we are selfish if we do the same for ourselves.  We are taught to tell others all their great qualities but if we come into a room and say- don’t you love: my hair, this dress, talk about our accomplishments- then we are conceited.  

  I’m here, at 45 years old, still doing the hard work to love myself while supporting others in their journey to do this for themselves.  It is a struggle everyday to put myself first.  I question if I’m being nice or hurting someone’s feelings, if I’m doing too much for myself and how that impacts my boys, if my limits/boundaries are too much.  I am constantly challenging and justifying the things that I do, balancing what I am giving to others and what I am giving to myself.  I’ve gotten to the point where I am realizing that if I can’t be there for myself, I will not be able to be there for my boys, friends, family, and clients, and so each day I try to be kind to myself and appreciate who I am/what I have instead of tearing down the things that I don’t have yet.  

  I hope that you check out the song and see how it hits you and that this blog helps you to be more intentional about giving to yourself what you give to others.  Side note- not being able to come up with 10 things you like about yourself doesn’t say anything negative about therapy- it says the work is not yet done; therapy isn’t a three sessions and your fixed or advice giving practice.  If this is something you struggle with and you want to find a way to give love to yourself in the same way that you give it to others; I’m here to help.